Since we started our IVF adventure I for some reason feel like I cannot be 100% comfortable with each positive situation that comes my way. Maybe it's because we have struggled with infertility for so long.
All I want it to be sooooo excited for this joyous pregnancy without having a negative thought lingering in my head. I'm sure these feelings are normal, but I want to be ecstatic that I'm FINALLY pregnant :-)
Here's a journey through my negative thoughts (keep in mind I'm always the person who likes to foresee what will happen in all cases, which is construed as negative):
*About a week after my transfer I said that I didn't feel I was prego because I was reading into the non-symptoms that weren't there...of course they weren't bc it was way too early.
*I took 4 pregnancy tests and you could clearly see the line getting darker...well I wasn't going to believe it until the 1st Beta.
*1st Beta was positive as I clearly knew from the pregnancy tests...so I wasn't going to be comfortable until the 2nd Beta.
*2nd Beta results were great considering I had to wait 5 days because they were closed for the holiday...then I started doubting the pregnancy until the 1st ultrasound.
*Then the spotting began and I just knew that it was over...I was devastated & begged to come in for an early ultrasound.
*Early 1st ultrasound...everything was looking great as per my doctor; we could see the heart flicker, we could see a baby (which I of course believed the sac would be empty because I still haven't had any symptoms).
*So here I sit waiting for the 2nd ultrasound to give more hope/insight and waiting for the 1st trimester to be over...when will it stop! I just want to be 100% happy that I'm FINALLY PREGNANT...ME!!!!
So here I vow today to stop with all of the negative thoughts that swirl around in my head and embrace this moment with me and my baby to know that this little nugget is a fighter and we shall meet in 33 weeks or so :-)
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