CD 1 again...

Cycle day 1 again :( BOO!!!  I simply dislike having to purchase lady products every month...it makes me feel like my baby making efforts were worthless, but it's fun to "practice" haha!!

On a happier note; my husband and I hosted an awesome Toys for Tots Halloween Party this past weekend; we collected a ton of toys!  Thanks to everyone who came and donated!  We love being able to support children whose parents are in need of providing them a Christmas they deserve :)     

Wishing everyone a Happy Halloween!!  Can't wait to have a little one to dress up in cute costumes, for now the dog will suffer ;-)

Cheers to the Future Baby Benfield

Not only have we had to deal with infertility, we also are dealing with my husband being laid off around the same time that it all began, which has been a huge challenge for us, but we have perservered! I was hoping since he didn't have a job or insurance that we would get knocked up, isn't that how it usually happens...lol...well not for The Benfield's ;) But that is neither here nor there...we just can't stop baby dreaming...it seems like we are stuck in a rut and we just want OUT!!!

Now that you are all caught up on the fun roller coaster ride of infertility, we can focus on the present and hopefully NEAR future.

In a few months I will be turning the BIG 3-0 and I am scared and slightly disappointed at my body...I really thought I would be a Mom by now :( but instead of dwelling we have decided it was time to begin our new journey with IVF. Quite a few months back we attended the mandatory IVF seminar. The seminar was the doctors' way of prepping both of us up for the everything that we will encounter throughout the process of IVF. It will include a ton of doctors visits, a lot of meds, and a ton of patience!!

Just recently we were discussing our next steps forward, Kenny informed me that as a kid he joked with others children about them being test tube babies...whelp looks like the joke is on him ;0) It's funny how things come back to bite you!!

So Cheers to Baby (or hopefully babies) Benfield...we hope to meet you soon!!
　
　

The story of our infertile lives...!

A couple of months after firing Dr. Untalented and taking a little break from TTC (trying to conceive) I decided it was time to fire up the baby making engines and go full throttle!  Several friends referred us to one particular doctor, we felt our path was leading towards him.  On our 1st appointment, my husband and I sat in his office discussing what we have done so far in our TTC journey, concerns and many other things.  Dr. Wonderful was very easy to talk to and I felt really good about him being our new doctor, but it was also very emotional meeting for me.  Conjuring up those old, bitter feelings towards the last doctor were still very much present.  But it was water under the bridge and we had to move forward!
 

So the new chapter of our infertile lives was about to begin! 

One thing about this Doctor and his office is they have their act together!  Best of all I actually was seen by the Doctor EVERY time...who knew that Doctors are supposed to take care of their patients and see that they get the care they deserve :-)

Dr. Wonderful is not as conservative in his approach, which suited my personality very well!!!  After the first appointment I was sent on my way with a prescription to fill and meds on the way to being our first IUI!!!

Throughout the 1st medicated cycle I was monitored a lot, which never happened at the old place.  I could actually see the potential eggs and they would measure the sizes of each follicle to determine when the proper time for administering the HCG trigger shot should take place...they probably thought I was crazy when I asked what exactly they were looking at.  And the best part was the cost of 4 IUI's were covered by my insurance...do you think I knew this at the last doctors office; nope I paid out of pocket for that worthless cycle! 

This first IUI cycle just happened to fall on the week of our 2nd wedding anniversary, which was an interesting situation nightmare...not only did the meds make me a little coo-coo, but traveling with them made me even more psychotic!  My poor husband...every 5 minutes I would ask if I remembered to grab the meds and double check the cooler to make sure they were properly iced ;0)  After settling in and loading up on some Follistim I was much less of a basket case!  Husbands beware...this will make us crazy and in turn we will make you crazy...after the first cycle my husband finally understood...or just ignored me! LOL!  Although the first IUI resulted in a negative I felt much more confident and comfortable in moving forward with the future IUI(s). 

The 2nd medicated cycle we were heading to Napa for my birthday and take it from me...airlining with meds was way worse than the car trip was!  Make sure the hotel you are in offers a refrigerator in the room and if they do make sure it actually gets COLD!!  At this point I was over traveling while attempting to get pregnant!  After this cycle my cysts had remained from "feeding" them with all of the meds.  I had gone back for 2 months to see if they were shrinking, which they weren't, so I waited one more month.  But during this time my doctor didn't immediately jump to surgery to remove them...he said that he could aspirate them without surgery...I could of kissed him right there!!!  I knew at this moment he was the doctor that we would eventually do IVF with!  

Our 3rd and final IUI my husband had to fly out privately to NY and he was to airline commercially home as soon as he had landed...well just as our shitty luck would have it he was snowed in...no airlines were flying EXCEPT we found out that Spirit airlines was the only ones who had the balls to fly in the snow!!!  I joked with my husband and told him if we actually got pregnant this time I would name the baby Spirit!!  Talk about a hot mess...I was literally and figuratively.  While taking Follistim my hormones were obviously all over the place, but I felt like I was going through menopause at the age of 28!!  He actually made it home in the nick of time to play his part in this spectacle in baby making.

Of course as our luck has it we were unsuccessful on all 3 IUI's...but onward to IVF in the near future...hopefully!!!

From Cooper, the dog's perspective!

PLEASE let my mommy have a baby SOON so she will stop dressing me up!!!

Ovaries held up at gun point!

The infamous words from others: "Just relax...it will happen."  If I had heard that one more time I was going to scream and pull my hair out.  Yeah, ok maybe I'm a little high strung...but damn, give a girl a break!!  Here we were dating and not trying and definitely having WAY more sex than!! LOL! And nothing happened in that "relaxing state"!

Clearly this baby making wasn't going to happen naturally!!  My husband is a Pilot and he started traveling more and of course it happened to be during the times I would have been ovulating, which poses a huge dilemma in the baby making process!

I had gone to my regular doctor for my annual check up and told her my concerns.  She was amazing...she ran some blood work to omit the usual problems and wrote a script for a semen analysis (SA).  Once everything came back perfect...I felt like a failure; my body wasn't going to allow this process to be easy.  I especially felt like a failure towards my husband, which he thought was ridiculous since "we" were in this together.  I am so lucky to have him as my biggest supporter!  I just never envisioned this to be so hard and emotionally draining.

I was then referred to make an appointment for a consultation with...let's call her Dr. Untalented!!  The reviews/opinions towards this doctor were mixed; some loved her and others thought she had the worst bed side manner.  I loved her at first because I had no one else to compare her to since this was my first experience with an RE and slowly grew to dislike her VERY much.  The usual work up was done... to make sure my tubes were clear, etc.  Everything looked great...now let's make a baby ASAP please :-) 

On my first "official" visit I went alone because my husband was flying.  I was ok with that, but what I wasn't ok with was the nurses performing my ultrasounds...I am paying Dr. Untalented to get me pregnant NOT the nurses...WHAT!!  On the first visit they found several cysts on both of my ovaries, they decided they would put me on birth control to shrink them...hahahaha...joke was on them and me.  My cysts continued to get larger from the birth control; it was doing the opposite and feeding my cysts.  After a few months of the cysts not diminishing Dr. Untalented suggested that I have laparoscopic surgery.  I was ALL for anything that would help me get pregnant.  Here I was 27 years old having my 1st surgery for NO reason in the end.   

I had to wait approx 2 months in order to schedule my 1st IUI as long as the cysts were gone.  I was so excited about this first step towards making a baby and the doctor was very hopeful this would be it!  During this cycle I was given 5 mg of letrozole per day for 3 days to help with ovulation and sent on my way.  I was told to monitor with the OPK's and once I saw the surge to call and schedule the IUI for the following day.  Not only did I not get pregnant, but my cysts were back...OMG!!  I was devastated.  I felt like my ovaries were being held up at gun point and being forced not to release any eggs!! 

Whenever I look at my scars I get angry and have bitter feelings towards her lack of knowledge and horrid bed side manner.  Least to say this was my first and last cycle with this RE.  I honestly don't even count this as IUI #1.  Not to self and others…always seek a second opinion when it comes to surgery!  On to the next Doctor I went!

Confession of an infertile!

Over the last 3 years between my laparoscopic surgery, at least 100 doctor appointments, hopped up on fertility meds and 4 failed iui's ... I found comfort in reading other infertility blogs, which has been a form of therapy for me. I was too scared to face my own blog...but with a HUGE push here I am sharing our roller coaster to baby story!!

As a little girl I always dreamed of being apart of the American dream...husband, dog, house with a white picket fence and a house full of happy, laughing, loud children.  I can check all of those off except for the house full of babies...don't get me wrong there is nothing quiet about our house, but as each holiday and milestone passes I catch myself thinking and sometimes saying, "OUR kids should be here helping us...carve pumpkins, decorate the Christmas tree" and so on. 

As I am so often told...everything happens for a reason; I truly want to believe this.  Infertility has changed me and my thought process about a lot of things.  I hope soon I am proven wrong!  I am hopeful that our future will change soon :)

The beginning...dreaming of expanding our family of 3!

Baby dreaming has been inspired and established by my very best friend, Nicole. She has been along for the ride on this long road of unexplained infertility with us for several years! She has been my sounding board, cheerleader and the most supportive friend I could ask for! Friends are the greatest gift that anyone could ask for, even if they are not in the same "infertility" boat.

Our story:

Kenny and I met many moons ago because of mutual friends, but really "met" 5 1/2 years ago. Our relationship happened quite fast (as he would say...I just moved right in) LOL!! We happily talked about our dreams in regards to marriage, family and making a home for those dreams. Everything was perfect, our 1st fur-baby; Cooper arrived 7 months later, we purchased a house a year later and got engaged on the same day as our closing. Throughout this time we were "not not trying" and sadly enough we never got pregnant. Of course as most of our family and friends probably assumed since we eloped that we were pregnant...not so much! Little did we know that this would be one of the toughest hurdles we would have to overcome together.

Stay tuned for more details of our journey of infertility!